


Open hand or closed fist would be fine

by Anonymous



Category: The Misfits (Podcast)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempt at Humor, Dirty Talk, Dirty Thoughts, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Language, Homophobic Language, If you have any idea who these idiots are, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Physical Abuse, Recreational Drug Use, you know what kind of shit they say
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-03-20 10:08:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 17,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18990520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Cam had his life made, he had a growing you tube career, great friends, and an amazing boyfriend. Sure, his boyfriend could get angry and sometimes physical but whatever. True love wins, right?Title from Cherry Wine by Hozier.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was challenged by a friend to write a fanfic about switz based off the song Cherry Wine so here we go! 
> 
> And Warning: this story has an abusive relationship at it's center (it's not switz don't worry) but it will get graphic sometimes so please proceed with caution. I'll try to put warnings for each chapter.

“Fuck!” Swagger screeched, slamming his desk.

Cameron choked on his spit with laughter, trying to breath while the rest of the guys cackled. 

“Swagger, what the fuck was that,” Grizzy wheezed as his character fell of a building. “Ah shit!”

“Observe as SwaggerSouls fucks up so bad the game kills him,” Toby narrated and tried not to ruin it by giggling.

“Hey, fuck you this fucking game,” Swagger snapped and furiously pounded on his keyboard. 

“You’re playing like zuckles Swagger, what happened,” Cameron quipped as he shot the terrorists.

“Yeah!” Mason yelled then processed what Cameron said. “Wait a minute, fuck you Fitz!”

Cameron grinned to himself as the others dissolved into hysterics until he heard his front door close. He tensed slightly and went quiet, listening to his friends joke around as he listened for his boyfriend’s footsteps. You see, Cameron was bisexual and he came out to his friends three years ago and started dating Anthony about a year ago. It seemed so perfect that they moved in together two months ago. Their relationship was made in heaven, Anthony was great and all his friends loved him. Sure Anthony could get mad and a little jealous sometimes, and he would yell at Cameron, but it wasn’t a deal breaker. They were in love so Cameron could deal with Anthony’s moody temper and not think about how he began to tense up whenever Anthony came home angry, like now. 

“Cam?”

“I’m recording,” Cameron called back, biting his lip.  _ Why do I feel anxious all of a sudden? It’s only Anthony. _

“Oh is that your boyfriend?” Toby said in a sing-song tone and ran after Cameron’s character. 

“No its your mum,” Cameron shot back, laughing with Grizzy. 

“Hey wait Fitz, Fitz, you-” Mason screamed suddenly. “FAGGOT!”   
They all snorted with laughter, except Swagger seemed more subdued than he normally was. 

“Excuse you zuckles I’m only a half faggot!”   
Anthony pushed open the door and knocked against the wood. “Hey Cam, you’re still recording?”   
“Uh,” Cam blinked and pushed the mic away from his face. “I’m almost done Tony, I haven’t seen these fuckers in a while and-”

Anthony sighed loudly and Cameron shut his mouth with an audible click.  _ Wait, why the fuck did he do that? Yeah Anthony didn’t like it when Cam argued with him but still. _

“Well I’m home now Cam, don’t you want to spend time with me your  _ boyfriend _ ?”   
Cam swallowed and became uncomfortably aware of his friends yelling at Cam to have his boyfriend speak into the mic. 

“Yeah of course I want to but-”

“Cam,” Anthony said sternly. “I’m sure they won’t miss you too much. C’mon.”

“Okay,” Cam mumbled, lowering his shoulders. “It’s just-they want you to speak into the mic?”

“Oh yeah, who.” Anthony said with raised eyebrows, walking over to Cameron and looking at the screen. Cameron fought his sudden urge to cover the screen and scooted over to make room for Anthony. “Mason, Grizzy, Toby and Swagger.”

“Hm,” Anthony hummed in a neutral tone yet the hair on the nape of Cameron’s neck stood on end. “You’re playing with Swagger?”

Cameron sighed, mildly annoyed. Anthony got irrationally jealous whenever Cameron played with Swagger. Cameron admitted back when they first started dating that he used to have a crush on the american but he had gotten over it! They were just friends so Anthony had no reason to get so jealous. Anthony pushed Cam out of the way and leaned into the mic.

“I’m going to fuck him,” Anthony said like he was talking about the weather and disconnected the game, ending the discord chat as well.

“Tony what the fuck? We weren’t done, I still had like an hour-”

‘Don’t care,” Anthony growled, snaking his arms around Cameron’s shoulders. “C’mon baby, I’ve missed you. Been thinking about you all day.”

“Tony,” Cam said quietly, trying to lean away from his chest. “I’m not in the mood, I still have a shit ton of recording to do.”

He felt Tony take a deep breath and squeeze Cameron. “You’ve been sitting on your ass all day and now that I’m home, you’re too much of a pussy? What, want Swagger to fuck you instead of me, huh?”

“No Tony, c’mon. Don’t be like that,” Cameron said quickly. ‘I’m just tired, that’s all.”

Anthony pulled away and Cameron began to panic. “Wait Tony, wait, I’m sorry-”

“I want you in the bedroom in five minutes or else,” And with that, Anthony walked out of the room. Anthony walked out as fast as dread filled Cameron’s stomach.  _ Your boyfriend wants to have sex with you, so why the fuck are you feeling scared? You should be flattered someone like him wants you, get your shit together Cameron.  _ Cameron glanced at the discord chat, the boys had asked where Cam went but were now making fun of Grizzy’s typos. A notification caught Cam’s eye and he glanced at his inbox. Swagger had sent him a message after Anthony disconnected him from the game. 

 

SwaggerSouls: Yo Faggot what the fuck? Tell your stepdad to fuck you later!

 

SwaggerSouls: but really though, what the fuck?

 

“Cam.” Anthony called loudly and Cameron jumped, looking behind his shoulder. He quickly deleted the messages from Swagger and shut down his computer, staring at his expression. Cam looked haunted,  _ what the fuck is wrong with me?  _ Cam sighed to himself and walked out to Anthony.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: graphic mentions of physical abuse in this chapter.

Not for the first time, Cameron was grateful for his shitty uploading schedule. He could not upload for months and nobody would worry, Cam could blame having a busy schedule instead of not being able to use his right hand because Anthony had accidentally squeezed Cam’s hand too hard and sprained his wrist. Or the time Anthony had came home drunk and pushed Cam down the stairs. Or that time Cam had forgotten to make dinner and made Anthony mad so he punched Cam hard enough the youtuber was almost sure he had a concussion. But Anthony had always apologized, he had nearly cried when he hit Cam the first time. Anthony promised Cameron it would never happen again, and he was so sweet after. He was the Anthony Cameron fell in love with, those moments of the old Anthony gave Cam hope he could save Tony, bring him back. At least, that’s what he told himself when Anthony would get to angry and hit him, beat Cameron black and blue so he had to cancel live streams and Skype calls. His friends wouldn’t understand, they would worry about Cam and he couldn’t do that to them. Cam couldn’t be any more of a burden or else they’d abandon him and he’d be left all alone. 

“So Fitz, care to explain to your fans why the fuck you haven’t uploaded for three months?” Zuckles asked, bringing Cameron out of his head. 

“He’s been too busy sucking dick!” Toby yelled, swearing in frustration as he was killed yet again. 

“Yup that’s, ah, that’s what I’ve been doing. Suckin’ some dick,” Cameron joked and made a face of discomfort as he tried to sit down comfortably. Anthony had been pretty rough last night and Cam was hurting all over. 

“Speaking of sucking dicks, we’re going to PAX Australia right?” Swagger asked as he followed Mason’s character around. 

“Uh,fuck yeah!” Mason said like it was obvious, making weird sounds with Toby. 

Cam stayed silent, grateful for his friends being loud and obnoxious so nobody would notice how quiet the youtuber went. He wanted to go to PAX, he missed his friends but what would Anthony think?  _ Who gives a shit what he thinks? I’m my own person I can do what I want. But what if he gets mad, last time he almost broke my rib.  _ Cam was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn’t hear Swagger calling his name until he and Toby screamed it.

“What? Jesus Fuck, you cunts nearly gave me a heart attack!”

“Well maybe get the dick out of your ear and maybe we wouldn’t have to shout,” Toby chided like a mother. 

“Can a dick fit into an ear,” Mason wondered aloud, sounding sincere. 

“What do you think zuckles,” Cam dead panned, anxious to get the topic off of him. 

“Discover your fetishes on your own time Zuckles, Fitz you’re going to PAX right?”

Cam internally swore at Swagger. Once a question got into the American’s head, he had dogged determination to find the answer. It was fucking annoying. 

“I’ll have to see,” Cameron evaded, praying Swagger would just drop the question.

“What, Anthony won’t let you go?” Toby snorted like he had told a great joke. 

Cam laughed and hoped the others couldn’t hear how forced it was.”No, just busy.”

“You’re fucking going you fag, I don’t care if I have to drag your ass all the way!”

_ Please, come get me.  _

“You fucking wouldn’t,” Cameron scoffed as his heart leaped at the idea of seeing Swagger. Fuck, maybe he wasn’t completely over his crush. 

‘Wanna bet bitch?!”   
“You don’t even know where I live.”

“I have my sources,” Swagger croaked in a funny voice that had Cam giggling. 

‘What the fuck was that voice?” He wheezed. 

“The voice you hear in your dreams,” Swagger crooned then screamed: “Bitch!”

“More like nightmares,” Cam glanced at the clock on his wall and swallowed. Anthony would be getting home soon. “Hey, sorry guys but I’m going to have to leave.”

“No,” Toby and Mason whined together. “Why though, it was just getting good!”

‘Yeah Fitz, we’ve only been playing for an hour the fuck?”

‘Sorry guys,” Cam sighed. Anthony had made it very clear he didn’t like it when Fitz played games while he was home. “I’ll talk to you later, yeah?”

“Yeah, at PAX,” Swagger jumped in, determined. 

“Christ Swagger, I’ll see alright? Bye.”

“See ya,” The others chorused and Cam ended the game. 

The front door opened and Cam’s palms instantly became sweaty. 

“Cam,where are you?”

He took a deep breath and smiled, walking out to his boyfriend. “Right here, how was work babe?”

Anthony groaned and kissed Cam hard on the mouth. “Let’s not talk about that yeah? I’m tired.”

“O-okay, want me to make some dinner?” Cam tried not to stumble over his words but he couldn’t help the slight disappointment. He still didn’t know much about Anthony’s life and they were living together for fucks sake!

‘Thanks,” Anthony grinned and slapped Fitz’s ass. “And bring me a beer while your at it.”

Cam sighed through clenched teeth and decided it was better to just do what Anthony asked instead of arguing. He didn’t want to get hit and Anthony did just get home from work, he was tired. “Sure babe.”

The young man quickly got started on cooking something easy for dinner and grabbed a beer for Anthony. The other man put on a football game and nursed his beer, periodically yelling at Cam to hurry up. 

“Then why don’t you help me,” Cam hissed under his breath, nearly spilling hot water on his hand. 

“What was that,” Anthony asked sharply, glaring at Cam.

“N-nothing babe, food’s almost ready,” Cam said quickly and scolded himself for talking out loud.  _ He can hear you, you dumb fuck! _

Cameron became so engrossed in cooking he didn’t realize Anthony was behind him until the man wrapped his arms around Cam’s waist. 

“Christ, you scared me!”

Anthony smiled and pressed a quick kiss on Cam’s cheek. “So, PAX is coming up.”

Cam’s body tensed up, he knew that tone. Anthony wasn’t happy. 

“How do you know that?”

“I looked through your emails,” Anthony said dismissively and squeezed Cam’s waist. “Were you going to tell me?”

“You look through my emails,” Cam stared at Anthony in shock. “What the fuck Tony?”

“Don’t use that tone with me,” Anthony snapped back and Cam shied away instinctively. “I wouldn’t have to look through your shit if you didn’t hide things from me. Now, were you going to tell me?”

“Yes, I was I swear, I was going to tell you Tony,” Cam rushed out, trying to think of things he could say to assure Tony. 

Anthony hummed and the next thing Cameron knew, he was flying across the kitchen and collided against the counter with a loud thud. 

“I don’t fucking believe you, you fucking dumb cunt,” Anthony yelled and stalked over to Cameron, his fists clenched. 

“I-I was going to tell you!” Cam protested, putting his hands up to try to calm his boyfriend down. 

Anthony scoffed and grabbed Cam by his short hair. “Quit fucking stuttering, you sound pathetic,” Tony sneered. 

“I’m not lying,” Cam let out a small whimper of pain, his already sore side had hit the wood  _ hard _ . 

“Fuck you sound like a bitch,” Anthony laughed cruelly then dragged Cameron over to the couch by his hair. “I might have to fuck you like one.”

“Wait, no please I’ll tell you anything,” Cam’s eyes widened in fear as he tried to wriggle out of Anthony’s grip. 

“Stop struggling you pathetic bitch,” Anthony commanded in a thundering tone and backhanded Cameron hard enough the youtuber fell back onto the couch. “All your bitching made me go soft, fuck you’re lucky I put up with your annoying voice.”

Cameron tried to keep the tears out of his eyes but he just couldn’t, Anthony’s words hurt worse than any fist ever could. He played into every insecurity of Cameron’s. 

“Crying like a pussy, I expect nothing more,” Anthony sneered then grabbed Cam by the chin, forcing the younger man to look up at him. “I wouldn’t do this if you wouldn’t lie to my babe, you know that right? You’re making me do this.”

_ Can’t you just do anything right? Jesus Christ, what a fucking failure. It’s a wonder anyone even puts up with you. _

“I’m sorry,” Cam whimpered as silent tears rolled down his stinging cheeks. 

“So am I,” Anthony sighed tiredly and traced a blooming bruise on Cam’s cheek with his thumb. “I’m going to bed, join me when your finished cleaning.”

“Yes Anthony,” Cam said quietly and waited until the bedroom door closed to break down. He bit a pillow in order to keep quiet as Cam sobbed, his entire body seemed to hurt and sting. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: emotional abuse and threats of physical abuse.

Cam jumped awake when someone patted his shoulder.

“Easy Cam, it’s just me,” Anthony laughed and ran his fingers through Cam’s hair. 

“Oh,” Cam forced a smile and swallowed around the sudden lump of nervousness in his throat. “Morning Tony.”

“I think I’ll let you go to PAX,” Anthony mused aloud while tracing shapes against Cam’s neck.

“Yeah?” Cameron perked up, excited which made Anthony frown. 

“What’s with that face Cam, excited to get away from your boyfriend?”   
“No,no,” Cam rushed out, wincing when Anthony pressed against an old bruise. “I just want to see my friends is all.”

Anthony didn’t say anything, just pushed against Cam until the youtuber was flat against the bed with Anthony pinning him there. 

“I bet you are, especially that fucking SwaggerSouls,” Anthony sneered, leaning close to Cam’s face. Anthony’s breath reeked of alcohol so badly Cam actually coughed. 

‘No, jesus Tony are you drunk?”

That made Anthony laugh. “I have do be, to put up with you all day. Fuck, you’re pathetic you know that? You think I can’t see it, how you still have a crush on fucking Swagger of all people. I bet you want him to bend you over and fuck you raw don’t you?” Anthony spat out, twisting one of Cam’s arms behind his back. “Bet you want his dick in your whore mouth, fucking disgusting.”

“Stop talking, stop fucking talking you don’t know what you’re saying,” Cam yelled back as he tried to pull out of Anthony’s grasp but his struggling just made Anthony grip harder. 

‘Stop struggling cunt or I’ll break your fucking nose,” Anthony was seething with anger and using all of his weight to yank Cam’s arm behind his back. Cam cried out in pain and stopped moving, terrified that Anthony might actually break his arm.

“Please,” He whispered, brokenly. “You’re hurting me.”

“I wouldn’t have to if you just listened to me Cam,” Anthony explained and got off Cameron, walking away. “I’m going out!”

Cam waited until he heard Anthony pull out of the driveway to drag himself off the bed and into the bathroom. He flicked on the lights and winced at his own reflection.  _ Jesus, I look fucking terrible.  _ The entire right side of Cam’s chest was an ugly purple and blue mess, with older and more yellow bruises circling his torso. One bruise sat on the junction of Cam’s neck and shoulders, it was a sickly green and yellow color. There was no visible bruises of Cam’s face at least, though his left cheek felt tender.  _ So much for small miracles, I guess.  _ Cam stayed in the shower until the cold water chased him out and he gingerly patted his bruised body dry. He dressed in comfy clothing and sat down at his computer, ready to start recording, when a notification caught his eye. It was a message from Swagger. 

 

SwaggerSouls: Listen Fitz, you’re going to PAX Australia even if I have to drag your bitch ass there okay? 

 

SwaggerSouls: just text me faggot, alright?

 

Cam smiled to himself, it warmed his heart that Swagger wanted him to go so badly. 

_ He just wants you to go for views, he doesn't actually want to see you. Get over yourself. _ Cam shook his heads to get rid of his inner dick bag and looked up tickets for PAX Australia. There weren’t many left, it was only a week away, but there were still a few. Cam bit his lip, debating whether or not he should just say fuck it and buy a ticket, damned what Anthony thinks.  _ I really want to go, but what if he gets mad?  _

“Cam!”

The young man nearly leaped out of skin, whipping around to look at Anthony who was standing in the doorway. 

“T-Tony, I was just-”

‘Sneaking around, going behind my back,” Anthony yelled, stalking toward Cam. He raised a hand and Cam automatically flinched, raising his hand to protect himself. The tension seeped out of Anthony’s body and he rested his hand on Cam’s shoulder. 

“I’ll let you go on one condition.”

Cam gulped, his body still on high alert. “What’s that?”

“If you flirt with Swagger, if you’re in a room alone with Swagger, I swear to god you’ll regret it.”

Cam nodded strongly. “I won’t,I-”

“And If you lie to me,” Anthony lightly smacked Cam on the cheek. “If I even suspect you’re lying to me, I will break you.”

Cam was agreeing before his mind could even comprehend Anthony’s threat, too excited at the chance to see his friends. 

‘God you’re like a fucking dog,” Anthony scoffed and pushed Cam away from him. “Buy the ticket and find a ride cause i’m not fucking driving you. I’ve got more important shit to do.”

“Will do,” Cam promised, not showing how Anthony’s comment stung. 

Anthony shook his head and walked out. Cam immediately turned around, buying the ticket as fast as he could.  _ I’m going! I’m really going! _

And for the rest of the week, Cam made sure to be on his best behavior. He did everything Anthony asked no matter what and it worked. Tony didn’t get angry with Cam once and Cam was packed three days early. The rest of the boys, especially Swagger, were ecstatic that Cam was going and Cam couldn’t stop smiling. Unfortunately, nothing that good can last forever. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: emotional abuse, physical abuse, and Anthony being an overall piece of shit.

It was the morning Cam would leave for PAX Australia and Cam was literally buzzing with excitement. Cam had picked an earlier flight so he could leave as soon as possible, trying to leave before Anthony could get into a bad mood and hit Cam. He didn’t want to hide anymore bruises than he already had too, Cam would have to wear long sleeves the entire trip so he was going to be fucking sweaty. He just had to make it another hour before his uber showed up. Cam was texting Toby and Swagger, trying to figure out hotel rooms when Anthony stumbled into the living room. 

“You look excited, it’s today your leaving me isn’t it,” Anthony growled, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

Cam gripped his phone harder, getting nervous, and watched his uber countdown. 

“I’m not leaving you Tony, I’m just going to Australia for a week to see my friends. I’ll be back,” Fitz said, not looking up from his phone in fear of angering Anthony by looking him in the eye.  _ C’mon, c’mon my uber’s almost here. Please don’t anything, please. _

“Cam, look at me.”

And Cam raised his head in time to see the fist flying at his face. Cam’s entire body twisted to the side with the force of the blow, cam’s right eye felt as if it was on fire with pain. The youtuber let out a cry and clutched his right eye, staring at his boyfriend. Anthony sobbed once and pointed an accusing finger at Cam.

“You’re going to leave me,” Anthony cried. “You’re going to leave me just like everybody else does, abandon me!”

“No, no I’m not going to leave you,” Cam shook his head, feeling his eye throb angrily under his hand. Cam felt his eye begin to swell shut already and blood trickled down from his eyebrow. “I promise Tony, I’m coming back.”

Anthony threw himself at Cameron and kissed the younger man hard on the mouth, hard enough to bruise. “Come back to me Cam, I love you.”

Cam stood stock still, in shook, and stumbled when Anthony let go of him suddenly. ‘Now get out, go see your  _ friends  _ and know none of them love you. Not like I do.”

Anthony pushed Cam out the door and threw his bags out behind him, slamming the door shut before Cam could even open his mouth to respond. 

“You love me?” Cam whispered, letting his hand fall from his bruised eye. The uber honked and Cam jumped, frantically putting his bags in the trunk and practically dived into the back seat. Cam kept his head down the entire ride, his eyebrow stopped bleeding shortly after they started off to the airport. His head was a mess of chaotic thoughts, swirling around until the uber stopped in front of the airport. Cam quietly took out his things and thanked the driver, walking quickly into the nearest bathroom. The youtuber let out a shaky sigh and looked at himself in the mirror.

_ Oh God, what am I going to do? _

Cam’s eye was swollen shut and an angry red purplish color. He hissed in pain as he washed the dried blood off his face, mindful of his bruised eye. The fluorescent lights of the bathroom made Cam’s head throb and he soon had to flee to avoid passing out on the tile floor. The first thing Cam did once the building stopped spinning like a carousel was buy the biggest pair of sunglasses he could find. So what if he looked like a dumb ass, at least his black eye was covered. The gate for Cam’s flight was thankfully close by so Cam didn’t have to stumbled around the airport with only one eye open. The battered youtuber sat dropped into the uncomfortable plastic chairs that lined the room with a loud sigh. Cam let his head hit the back of the chair with a thud, the adrenaline from before washed out of his body and Cam just felt exhausted and hurt. But before Cam could fall asleep, an announced called his flight number and Cam pushed himself to his feet, stumbling to the loading gate. The plane was loaded relatively quickly, it was an early flight and not many people were flying from New Zealand to Australia at eight in the morning. Cam sat down in his seat when he got a text from Toby with the name of the hotel. Everyone else was already in Australia waiting for Cam to get there so they could enjoy a day together before the craziness of PAX started. A stewardess gave Cam a glass of water and he tried to subtly, as subtly as one could hold a glass of ice water against their face, press it against his black eye. The coldness helped numb the pain a little but his eye still hurt and felt warm to the touch. Cam sighed and leaned back in his seat, it was going to be a long flight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here come the boys ;D


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings for this chapter :)

Soon, too soon for Cam’s liking, the plane was landing in Australia. It was a quick flight but not because Cam fell asleep, no he spend the entire time worrying and planning what he would do. He’d obviously have to wear his sunglasses the entire trip, how would he explain wearing them indoors? The first day or two he could say he had a migraine but after that Cam didn’t know what he would do. Maybe buy some makeup and try to hide his bruises but if the guys found out he was wearing makeup, they’d give him shit for it until they all died. So it’s safe to say by the time Cam had to get off the plane and walked through the airport, he was well and truly freaking the fuck out. 

_ Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck what am I going to do fuck fuck fuck - _

“Fuck!” Cam yelled out in surprise when someone jumped on him. 

“Fucking finally you cunt,” Toby yelled into Cam’s ear, squeezing the new Zealander hard. 

Cam wheezed and had to physically bit his lip from making a sound of pain. Add yet another thing he’d have to be careful about, bodily contact.  _ Fuck.  _

“Jesus Toby are you trying to break my spine,” Cam wheezed out, taking a deep breath when Toby let him go. 

“Nice sunglasses Cam,” Mason snickered and dodged Cam’s attempt to smack him.

“Fuck off cunt, I have a migraine.”

“Sucks to suck,” Toby quipped and pushed Cam to their rental. 

Mason jumped about like a cracked out monkey, whipping out his camera and zooming in on Cam’s face.

“So Cam, what are we doing here,” Mason said excitedly. 

Cam slapped a smile onto his face, trying to ignore how sore his body was. “PAX Prime bay-be,” He yelled out the window, laughing with Toby.

“So Swagger and Matt are at the hotel waiting for us then we’re going to lunch-”

“Cause Toby and Swagger are fat fucks,” Mason interrupted Toby, cackling maniacally when Toby tried to punch him.    
“Eat my ass Mason, you stoned piece of shit!”

“I’m stoned? I saw you take two edibles this morning you cunt!”

Cam smiled at his friend’s arguing in the front seat and looked out the window, watching everything go by. Finally, Toby pulled into the hotel parking lot and Mason jumped out before the car had even stopped. 

“Mason you dumb cunt!” Toby wheezed, getting out to chase Mason. “C’mon Cam, we gotta catch that fag!”

Cam watched his two friends chase each other with a fond smile, slowly walking after them. His eye no longer throbbed with pain but it still felt tender and the other bruises on his body made walking uncomfortable. Matt and Swagger met them in the hotel lobby and Cam automatically smiled when he saw Swagger standing there. He was carrying his helmet under his arm and was laughing with Matt. 

“Sup faggots,” Mason screamed as he ran towards them.

“Jesus Christ Mason, we’re in public,” Cam giggled, hurrying to catch up with the two. 

“Since when does that stop this retard,” Swagger snorted and looked Cam up and down, almost like he was studying him. 

“True,” Cam chuckled as he let Swagger pull him into a hug. Swagger’s arms wrapped around Cam’s waist and Cam nearly fucking sighed with happiness right then and there.  _ Fuck, I don’t have a crush on Swagger, I have a fucking boyfriend! Nope, do not like Swagger at all.  _

“Yeah this is nice but when are we getting food,” Mason complained, leaning against Matt dramatically.

“And you called me fat, you cunt!” Toby yelled, pretending to be exasperated.

Everyone laughed at Toby’s face and Mason flipping Toby off in response.

“There’s a pretty good restaurant in the hotel, want to go to that?” Matt suggested, still giggling.

Cam’s stomach grumbled hungrily and Cam groaned, he hadn’t eaten anything all day.

“Yes!”

“Alright, let’s go before we get kicked out,” Matt and Swagger herded everyone off to the restaurant. Cam noticed Swagger seemed to stay close to him the entire time, catching Swagger watching him twice. They all sat down at a table and ordered their food, Cam immediately grabbed the chip basket away from Mason and ate four chips at once. Out of the corner of his eye, Cam noticed Swagger staring at him.

“What is it Swaggs, do I have something on my face?”

“Yeah, cum,” Mason blurted out then laughed like he told the funniest joke in the world. 

“Hilarious,” Cam deadpanned, throwing a chip at Mason’s head. 

“No, just wondering why you have sunglasses on right now.”

Cam paused for a second but continued eating, hoping Swagger didn’t notice his hesitation. “Why do you wear your stupid helmet all the time? I just got a migraine.”

“My helmet is not stupid,” Swagger said haughtily. “You bitch.”

Luckily for Cameron, Swagger and Toby quickly got into an argument about where the most dangerous place they’ve smoked was. As the food was being served, Cam asked Matt about the plans for the weekend.

“Well, it’s mid afternoon now so let’s just fuck around yeah?”

Cam suppressed a sigh, he was tired but staying behind would raise suspicion so when Toby suggested they walk around a park nearby, Cam let Swagger drag him there. 

“You sure you want to go, you seemed pretty tired,” Swagger said quietly so the others wouldn’t hear while they road in the misfits van. Swagger had put his helmet on yet Cam could see his soft brown eyes through the helmet’s eye holes.  _ Soft brown eyes? Jesus Christ Cam get it together fuck.  _ But Cam’s train of thought was quickly derailed when Swagger placed a warm hand on his knee. The weight from Swagger’s hand had Cam staring at Swagger’s strong, se-  _ STOP IT FOR FUCK’S SAKE! _

“Hey fucker, did you have a stroke?” Swagger waved a hand in front of Cam’s face after Cam just stared at his arm for two minutes. 

Cam blinked, looking at Swagger. “Sorry I zoned out. What were you saying?”

“I was saying-”

“Oh wait, I don’t care,” Cam interrupted with a cheeky smile.

“Fuck you man,” Swagger laughed and pushed Cam away.

Swagger managed to somehow hit an old bruise dead on so Cam let out an exaggerated yell of pain to disguise his real one. “Ow, Toby! Swagger pushed me!”

“I will turn this fucking car around I swear to God,” Toby yelled, staring directly into the camera Mason was holding. 

“I need to pee,” Matt whined loudly, kicking Toby’s seat. 

“Why did I ever have you fucking kids,” Toby screeched and Cam nearly cried from laughing to hard. It hurt but it felt good to laugh again, really laugh. Toby pretended to drift into the parking spot in the van, Mason jumping out with Matt hot on his heels. 

“Eat shit, eat shit,” Swagger chanted as he hoped out of the van. Cam and Toby followed the three idiots at a slower pace, content to just laugh at the three acting like toddlers. The five stayed at the park until the sun went down, fucking around on the playground and chasing each other. By the time they all managed to drag Mason back to the van, Cam was almost dead on his feet. He nearly fell over trying to get into the van but thankfully no one noticed his stumbling. Matt drove them back to the hotel and Toby, Mason, and Cam grabbed their suitcases to carry to the rooms. 

“We have a floor to ourselves by the way,” Matt said when they all piled into the elevator. Cam’s head fell against the wall and he let out a tired sigh, not noticing Swagger’s worried look. 

“I don’t give a shit if we just have a cardboard box, I’m fucking tired.”

“Don’t worry sleeping beauty, we’ll get you a bed,” Toby said in a patronizing tone. Cam flipped the other man off and smiled when Mason laughed. The elevator finally stopped at their floor and the five misfits tumbled out. 

‘Which one’s mine?” Cam asked, looking around. 

It was a nice floor, with four doors that Cam guessed were bedrooms with a kitchen and living room down the hall. 

“First on the left, and you’re-”

Cam pushed himself into the room before Matt could finish, throwing his shit onto the bed. He was so tired, he didn’t notice the other suitcases in the room. Once Cam’s head hit the pillow, he was out like a light. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit's gonna get cray cray


	6. Chapter 6

Cam jerked awake when someone else entered the room and turned on the lights. He blindly flailed for his sunglasses and shoved them onto his face, turning so his back was facing the door.

“Jesus Cam, it’s just me,” Swagger said quietly, closing the door behind him.

“What the fuck are you doing in my room?”

“Uh,our room asshole, didn’t Matt tell you? We’re sharing a room buddy.”

_ If you’re in a room alone with Swagger, I will break you. _

Cam shot up from the bed, putting as much space as he could between himself and Swagger.

“Yo man, are you alright?”

“Uh, yeah, I-I’m fine just,” Cam sucked in a deep breath and raked his hands through his hair. “Fuck! I need some air.”

Cam tried to push past Swagger put he caught Cam by his arm, stopping the taller man. 

“Cam,” Swagger said in a serious tone that had Cam nervously sweating. “Take off the sunglasses.”

Cam tried to pull his arm away from Swagger but Swagger’s grip just got tighter and Cam made the mistake of looking Swagger in his eyes. Swagger wasn’t wearing his helmet or anything else to hide his face so his slightly curly brown hair brushed his jawline and bushy eyebrows were drawn together in concern.

“Swagger,  _ Eric _ ,” Cam placed his own hand on top of Swaggers, using the other man’s real name. “I’m fine okay? I promise I’m fine.”

Swagger smiled, nearly taking Cam’s breath away, and loosened his grip on Cam’s arm. “Okay.”

Cam let out a sigh of relief and started to the door but Swagger didn’t let go of his arm.

“Swagger what the fuck? Let go of my arm.”

“I’m really sorry Cam.” And Swagger launched himself at Cam, reaching for the sunglasses before Cam could react. Cam tried to pull back but he hit the door, hard, and grunted in pain. Swagger swatted Cam’s hands away and yanked off the sunglasses, sending them skidding across the room. 

“No!” Cam yelled, aggressively shoving Swagger out of the way and scrambled to retrieve them. 

Swagger used his shortness to his advantage and darted around Cameron to snatch up the sunglasses. He threw them against the wall with all of his strength and they popped apart.

“Oh God,” Cam whispered, staring at the broken sunglasses. “Oh god, oh my fucking god.”

“Cam,” Swagger said, breathing heavily. “Look at me Cam, just fucking look at me!”

Swagger grabbed Cam’s shoulder to turn him around and Cam jerked away like he had been electrocuted. 

“Cam?’

“What have you done, fuck!” Cam screamed, the walls of the room threatened to come crumbling around him. 

“Show me your fucking face Cam,” Swagger demanded and tried to turn Cam around.

Swagger raised his hand to run through his curly hair and froze when Cam flinched like he had been slapped. 

He couldn’t take it, Cam couldn’t take it anymore. The walls were closing in and Cam couldn’t breath, everything was too loud and bright. The New Zealander bolted to the door but Swagger managed to catch him by arm.

“Cam just fucking-”

“Here!” Cam yelled, turning to face Swagger. “Is this what you want to see?”

“Holy fuck, C-Cam,” Swagger gasped, actually gasped, and let go of Cam’s arm in shock.

Cam used that to his advantage and barreled out the door, running as fast as his long legs could carry him. He pushed past Toby and Matt, ignoring their confused shouts and Swagger yelling his name. Cam only knew he had to run, to get out and try to find a way to fix everything he had fucked up.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for self hatred, Cam's not very nice to himself 
> 
>  
> 
> And sorry for the long wait so here's a long chapter :)

Cam managed to run three blocks before reality caught up with him, sending the youtuber crashing to his knees behind a dumpster.

_ Fuck, what have I done? He knows, Swagger knows, he fucking knows! I’m doomed, Anthony’s going to kill me. _

“Cam, fuck, where are you?” Swagger yelled.

Cam scrambled to his feet and peered out from behind the dumpster. Swagger and the others were walking down the street towards where Cam was hiding, shining flashlights down the alleyways. 

“Me and Matt will go the other way, see if he ran that way,” Toby suggested, sounding worried and didn’t that feel like a stab to Cam’s heart. He had made his friends worry about him, they shouldn’t be worried. They never would’ve known if Cam hadn’t fucked everything up.  _ God, can’t I do anything right? _

“Good idea, call us if anything happens,” Swagger sighed, Cam was surprised to see the you tuber not wearing his helmet, just a black cloth tied around half of his face. Toby and Matt took off in the other direction and Cam scooted back into the alleyway, trying to find a place to hide from Mason and Swagger.

“I’m worried about him Swags,” Mason said in a soft voice, making Cam pause. “Like I’m really worried about him.”

“Me too Mason, me too.”

_ You selfish piece of shit, look what you’ve done!  _

Cam tried to side step a piece of trash but he stumbled in the dark and fell against the dumpster. 

“What was that?” Mason yelped, probably swinging his flashlight right in Swagger’s eyes in his swearing was anything to go buy. 

“Jesus you dumb fuck, watch that. Go around and see if Cam could be further ahead, I’ll check that sound.”

_ Fuck, move you cunt!  _

Cam swore to himself and hurried down the alleyway so Mason wouldn’t see him as the Australian sprinted past. He waited until he couldn’t hear anything to move, keeping one hand against the wall since he couldn’t see very well because of his swollen eye. Cam ran until his legs gave out, sending the you tuber stumbling down behind a dumpster in an abandoned alleyway. 

“Shit,” Cam gasped as he nearly collided with wall, sliding to his knees. It was late at night and Cam could barely see with his black eye so the young man inched along the grimy brick wall, keeping one hand against it. 

“Cam, where are you? Fuck, Cam!” Toby yelled and Cam curled in on himself, eyes darting for a place to hide. 

“Cam!” Swagger sounded very worried and the guilt punched Cam in the gut.

Fuck, I’ve made them worry over nothing. I couldn’t keep my shit together for one fucking night and I’ve fucked everything up. God dammit, can’t I do anything right?

“C’mon Cam, where’d you go?” Shit, even Mason sounded worried, scared even.

Worthless piece of shit, look what you’ve done. 

“Guys, I’m really worried about him,” Matt sighed and the light of a flashlight illuminated the opening of the alleyway. “We’ve gotta find him.”

“What the fuck do you think we’ve been doing for the last fucking hour,” Toby snapped. 

“Okay guys stop,” Swagger sighed, Cam imagined him pinching the bridge of his nose. “We need to find Cam, to see if he’s okay.”

There was a beat of silence then Matt spoke up. “He’s right, we need to find our Cam.”

“What, Swags’s is right? Fuck’s wrong with you Matt?”

“Shut up Mason,” Everybody said in unison and Cam almost smiled. 

“Me and Matt will go back, see if we’ve missed him,” Toby said. “How does that sound Matty boy?”

“Like a dream Toby, let’s go.”

Swagger snorted and Cam wished he could see them, if only he wasn’t such a coward. 

“Mason, let’s check down here. Maybe Cam went this way.”

_ Oh fuck, they’re coming this way!  _ Cam tried not to make a sound as he wildly looked around for a place to hide. The alleyway didn’t lead to another street so he was effectively trapped there.  _ Dumpster it is then  _ Cam thought a bit hysterically but as he moved to climb inside, Cam didn’t see the metal pole laying on the ground and kicked against the metal dumpster with a loud clang. 

“Did you hear that?” Mason yelled.

_ Shit, fuck, shit fuck shit!  _

Cam looked around for a place to hide but he couldn’t see any, shuffling to crouch behind the dumpster to give himself at least a little shelter. 

“Mason, go around and make sure Cam hasn’t gone out the other end,” Swagger commanded.

_ But this alleyway is a dead end? _

“On it,” Mason said then spend away, his footsteps fading as he got further. 

Cam held his breath, listening for any sign of Swagger moving closer. After a  few moments of silence, Swagger slowly walked into the alley.

“Cam?”

Cam flinched away from his name, trying to push himself into the grimy brick wall, hopping Swagger might just walk past him.

“Please be here Cam,” Swagger whispered, almost to himself. And with every step Swagger took, Cam hugged himself tighter and tighter. Cam squeezed his eyes shut and prayed to every deity he could think of for Swagger to not notice him but his hopes went unanswered. Swagger suddenly stopped and dropped his flashlight and the next thing Cam knew, a pair of arms were wrapping around him.

“Oh thank god, thank fucking Christ,” Swagger breathed, trying to cover Cam with his body. “I was so worried about you Cam, fuck I was so scared.”  

Cam remained silent, hoping this was all a nightmare he’d wake up from any second.  _ Please just go away, just leave me alone! Go away, go away, go awa- _

“-and I was just so sure you weren’t telling the truth a-and I know I shouldn’t of done it Cam, shit I really fucked up didn’t I? I’m sorry, fuck, I’m so sorry Cam. That was a really shitty thing of me to do, I shouldn’t of yelled at you,” Swagger babbled, sounding closer and closer to tears. 

_ But I deserved it.  _

“You-what?” Swagger froze, his arms 

“Just, just leave me alone Swagger,” Cam whispered, his voice cracking fiercely. “Go away.”

“What?” Swagger pulled back, trying to look Cam in the eye. “What the fuck are you talking about Cam? I was being a dick-”

“Can’t you just listen for once in your fucking life,” Cam hissed and glared up at Swagger. “I want you gone Swagger, gone!”

Even in the darkness of the night and Cam’s swollen eye, he could see Swagger’s face. The other man’s jaw was clenched in determination and he had a fire in his eyes that had Cam worried. 

“No.”

Cam internally shuddered at the tone, reflexively thinking he was about to be hit. “What do you mean, no? I’m telling you now Swagger, fucking leave me alone!”   
Swagger grabbed Cam’s shoulders and looked the New Zealander in the eyes. “I mean no Cam, I’m not leaving you out here in this shit weather alone. You have a fucking black eye Cam, you need to go to the fucking hospital!”

“No,” Cam yelped, springing to life and clutching at Swagger. “No hospitals, please Swagger I’ll do anything but just no hospitals.”

“Okay, okay,” Swagger soothed, rubbing Cam’s arms comfortingly. “No hospitals, but you need to come back to the hotel. Please Cam, at least let us check your eye.”

“Never heard you say please so much,” Cam tried to joke, avoiding Swagger’s plea. 

Swagger cracked a smile. “It’s been a really weird fucking night.”

_ Because of me. _

“Hey,” Swagger said gently as he placed a finger under Cam’s chin to slowly lift the other boy’s head up. “None of what happened tonight is your fault Cam, okay?”

Cam opened his mouth to argue, it was his fault! Everything was his fault but the sound of approaching footsteps made Cam hunch in on himself, subconsciously turning his body away from Swagger. 

“Shit, I think that’s Mason,” Swagger cursed, looking worriedly at Cam. ‘Is it okay if he comes over.”

“He’s going to see me anyone,” Cam said coldly and tried to steel his face, as to not show any more weakness in front of his friends.

“Swags, I didn’t see him. Did you find him?” Mason asked as he came closer. “What the fuck, why are you waving at me you stupid cunt- Cam!”

Mason sprinted over to Cam and slide to his knees, grabbing the taller boy’s hands in his own. “Fuck, Cam what the fuck happened? Are you on a bad trip or something man?”

“Mason you retard wait-” Swagger started, reaching out to stop Mason but it was too late.

The Australian crouched down to look at Cam then inhaled sharply when he saw the taller boy’s face.

“Holy fuck Cam, what the hell happened to your face mate?”

“Mason what the fuck!” Swagger yelled and mentally kicked himself when Cam flinched at his angry tone. “You fucking dipshit, don’t you know what subtle is?”

“I, uh, tripped Mas,” Cam spoke up, keeping his eyes on the ground.

“You tripped?” Mason said skeptically.

“Tripped,” Swagger echoed in disbelief but didn’t call Cam out. 

“Must’ve been one hell of a fall mate.” It was obvious Mason didn’t believe a word Cam said but he didn’t try to dig deeper. 

“Are you good to stand Cam? We can help you back to the apartment,” Swagger said, sharing a concerned look with Mason that Cam didn’t see.

Cam grit his teeth, he didn’t really want to be helped back to the apartment and have anyone see him in such a state but he really couldn’t see very well and would probably fall flat on his face if he tried to walk along. 

“Fine,” Cam sighed and let Swagger and Mason help him up. His friends flanked his sides and together the trio started back to the hotel.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings for this chapter :)

Eventually they made it back to the hotel, Mason and Swagger ended up mostly supporting Cam’s body to the main room where Cam unceremoniously dropped himself onto the couch. 

“Should I call Matt and Toby?” Mason asked hesitantly. 

“No!” Cam tried to sit up but winced, stumbling around in the dark like in idiot did not help his bruises. “Not yet, let me clean up first.”

"Yeah totally man, uh, do you want anything for your," Mason motioned to his own eye then awkwardly let his hand fall down to his side. 

"Unless you have any makeup on you then no," Cam sighed then raised an eyebrow when Mason ran to his room. 

"Where the fuck," Swagger began then stopped himself, looking at Cam. "C'mon, I'll help clean your eye."

"So you're my nurse," Cam tried to wink with his black eye but ended up wincing in pain.

"Dumb ass," Swagger snorted, helping Cam to stand. "C'mon."

Cam wanted to pull away, he didn't need Swaggers help honestly! But Swagger's hand against his arm and back felt nice, he felt protected as sad as that sounds. Swagger led him to the hotel bathroom and sat the taller boy down on the toilet.

"Now this is going to hurt like a bitch," Swagger said after shuffling through the cabinets for a bit.

"What's going to hurt- ow fuck!" Cam yelled as Swagger wiped his swollen eye with a cotton ball saturated with rubbing alcohol. "What the fuck Swagger? Warn a guy Jesus."

Swagger rolled his eyes and pulled down his mask that covered the lower part of his face. "I fucking told you, now where else are you hurt?"

Now it was Cam's turn to roll his eyes. "I'm glad you're taking your role so seriously but it's just my eye Swags, that's it. And put down that bottle of rubbing alcohol, I don't like how you're holding it so threateningly."

Swagger put the bottle down petulantly, glaring at Cam. "Don't lie to me Cam when I know, I heard you when me and Mason had to fucking  _ carry  _ you back to the hotel."

"You didn't carry me," Cam muttered, not looking at Swagger's face. 

“Fine, when we’re dragged your ass back here.”

“Woah what did I walk into,” Mason froze in the doorway, holding a small bag in his hands. 

“Asses Mason, now what is that?” Swagger deadpanned. 

Mason threw the bag to Swagger. “It’s a, uh, makeup bag.”

When Cam and Swagger stared at him in disbelief, Mason continued. “What are you lookin’ at me for cunts? It’s 2019 and sometimes I get a little acne because i got so much testosterone-”

“Mascara?” Swagger interrupted, holding up the tube with a raised eyebrow. 

“And I may have stolen Bordie’s makeup bag and forgot to give it back to her.”

“Real smooth,” Cam snorted then glared up at Swagger. “You’re not putting any of that shit on my eye.”

“Don’t be such a pussy,” Swagger scoffed, taking a container of concealer and wiping some on his finger. “Although this doesn't seem like your color.”

‘What?” Cam gasped, exaggeratedly, and whipped Swagger’s finger onto his cheek. “This doesn’t match my pasty New Zealand complexion.”

“Let’s just say you’re very close to black face mate,” Mason giggled and tried to dodge the concealer Cam threw at him.

“I don’t know if you’ve insulted me, Bordie, or both of us.”

“He’s not that smart,” Swagger chuckled as he wet a washcloth to wipe the makeup off Cam’s face.  

The hotel room door rang and Mason quickly ran to answer it, yelling for Swagger and Cam to have their moment.

“He’s really a retard,” Swagger smiled to Cam, placing one hand gently under the other’s chin. “Sorry if I hurt you but this makeup just won’t come off.”

“It’s, um, okay,” Cam stuttered, acutely aware of how close Swagger’s face was to his own. He could feel Swagger’s warm breath against his face and tried to look everywhere but Swagger’s face. They were so close together, it would just take Cam to turn his head. Swagger’s eyes bore hot lines into Cam’s face, leaving a tingling sensation wherever Cam felt him stare. It would be so easy, to ‘accidentally’ bump against each other. Their lips would just graze each other and-

“Toby!”

Cam jerked away, burning with shame and Swagger pulled away as well with a sad sigh.

“Yes, it’s me Mason what the fuck is up with you?”

“Where’s Cam,” Matt asked before Mason could say anything. “He’s here right? Is he okay?”

“Well, uh, he’s okay but-”

“Cam!” Toby called, pushing past Mason.

“Matt, Toby, hold on a sec,” Mason scrambled to stand in front of the bathroom door. 

“Mason what the fuck, get out of the way,” Matt ordered, starting to get angry.

Cam looked at Swagger with a weary sigh. “Get ready to catch the retard.”

Before Swagger could ask what Cam was talking about, Cam yanked the door open. Mason fell back with a shouted curse with Swagger catching him. 

“Cam?” Matt and Toby gasped in unison. “What the fuck?”


	9. Chapter 9

Matt and Toby started to speak at the same time.

“Jesus Christ Cam, what happened to you?”

“Where did you go?”

“Why did you run run and what the fuck’s wrong with your eye?”

“Guys,” Cam sighed and both of the boys shut their mouths. “One at a time? I’m fine, I just freaked out a bit that’s all.”

“That’s all?” Matt repeated suspiciously. 

“Then how’d you get that black eye Cam,” Toby asked, keeping eye contact with Cam. 

“I fell,” Cam snorted, letting out a little chuckle. “I tried to walk in the dark but I tripped and ate total shit.”

“Oh,” Matt let out a forced chuckle. “Just you being a clumsy fucker then?”

“Exactly, now if we’re all done here I’m going to bed. I’m tired as fuck,” Cam pretended to yawn, anxious to rid his friends of any suspicions. 

“Fuck, me too,” Matt grumbled.

“I’d rather not,” Cam blurted out, giggling when Matt pushed him gently. 

“Suck my dick, I’m going to bed,” Matt scoffed and shouted a curse when Mason pushed past him.

“Dibs on the right side cunt!”

“As if you bitch,” Matt raced after the auzzie.

“Hey, uh, Cam can you help me for a sec,” Toby asked, using his full force puppy eyes. “I need some help with my suitcases, they’re heavy as fuck.”

“Well maybe if you didn’t pack all your dildos, they wouldn’t be so heavy,” Swagger said in a scolding tone with a smirk.

“Actually, they’re your flesh lights and fuck you too.”

Swagger snorted and walked out into the living room. Cam followed Toby into his room, the cunt managed to get a room all to himself, and looked around.

“Your cases look fine mate, what do you need help with?”

“You Cam,” Toby sighed, sounding unusually somber. 

Cam slowly turned around, dread began to settle in his stomach like a block of ice. “Me?”

Toby took a small step forward. “Who did it Cam, who hit you?” He whispered but Cam heard it loud and clear, ringing in his ears as a bell of warning. The icy dread melted away in an instant and threatened to drown Cam. 

“W-what, I tripped Toby. I just tripped-”

“Bullshit,” Toby snapped and let out an angry huff. “You don’t get a black eye from fucking falling Cam, you get it when someone punches you.”

“No one punched me Toby,” Cam ground out, panic now replacing the dread. “Just trust me-”

“I can’t,” Toby’s voice wavered with emotion. “I can’t Cam because you ran out in the middle of the night, you don’t play with us as much, you don’t talk to us as often and you don’t tell the truth.” By the end of Toby’s speech, he was right in front up Cam and looked imploringly at his friend. “I can’t trust you Cam because someone hit you, and you won’t tell me who it was.”

Cam tried to swallow around the sudden lump in his throat.

“You can trust me Toby, c’mon man I wouldn’t lie to you about this.”

Toby frowned for a moment however it quickly slipped away and was replaced by a determined look. 

‘Fine, I trust you. Now give me your shirt.”

Cam froze, mind kicking into high panic mode. “Oh Toby, I thought you’d never ask!”

Toby scoffed, rolling his eyes with a strained smile. “In your dreams you fucking giraffe. Your shirt is fuckin filthy cause of your midnight run through the alleys. Give me your shirt and I’ll go grab you a new one.”

With Toby so close, Cam had to force himself to look Toby in the eye or else Toby would know for sure he was lying.  _ I am fucked. _

“I’ll just go and change Toby, no need to see me shirtless.”

“Oh but Cam, that’s all I want,” Toby fluttered his eyes dramatically. “Now just give me the shirt.”

“I’m not going to give you my shirt Toby, I’ll just go get another one,” Cam tried to sound upbeat and flippant but it sounded forced, even to his ears. And Toby noticed it too. 

“Why don’t you want me to see you shirtless Cam,” Toby asked in an even tone, trailing off for Cam to answer. 

“Because you’re a pervert Toby, I’ll go change-”

“What else are you hiding Cam,” Toby sighed, looking imploringly at Cam. 

Cam wanted to either punch Toby or scream, his friend had really fucked him over. No matter how he answered, he would have to tell Toby the truth or bullshit like he had never bullshitted. 

“Look Toby, there’s nothing going on okay? I’m tired and I don’t want to deal with your bullshit right now so I’m going to bed,” Cam said in a sharp tone and pushed past his friend before Toby could react. 

“Cam, wait-”

Cam walked back to his room but stopped when he heard Matt on the phone.

“Yeah Jay, I don’t know. I’m worried about Cam, he’s been acting really weird and I still don’t know why he has a black eye.”

Guilt made Cam nauseous, he was making his friends worry about him when they shouldn’t. He was fine, he was going to be fine and they didn’t have to bother with Cam. No one should. 

“Hey Cam,” Swagger called, dragging the other youtuber out of his dark thoughts. “Wanna play some fortnite? It’s the only fucking game we brought and I’m too awake to sleep right now.”

“I thought it was a gay baby game,” Cam teased yet grabbed the controller Swagger offered. 

“Oh fuck off you tall cunt,” Swagger scoffed and pretended to shove Cam, but very lightly. 

“You’re just short.” Cam sat down next to Swagger, blushing slightly as Swagger next to him, their legs touching. 

“I could still take you,” Swagger confidently and this time Cam definitely did blush.  _ I have a boyfriend, I have a boyfriend who hates Swagger. My friend who I definitely do not, absolutely not have a crush on. Fuck.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up is PAX Australia and it's gunna be a ride y'all, a wild fucking ride ;)))


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Verbal abuse, threats of serious bodily harm, and suicidal idealization. 
> 
> We're in the end game, as it were, and things are going to get pretty heavy.

Cam woke up in moments, first he felt a comforting weight on his side. Next he blinked as the sun shone through the curtains into his closed eyes.  Finally Cam heard a camera going off and the weight on his side shift. 

“Swag’s laying on him like a fucking backpack,” Someone, probably Matt, giggled.

“Huh?” Cam blinked tiredly, stretching out his limbs. Whoever was on his back made a noise of discontent and the arms around Cam’s waist squeezed harder. 

A door slammed and Mason yelled: “It’s PAX time cunts!”   
“Agh fuck!” Cam lurched awake, heart pumping and fear running through his veins for reasons he’d rather not think about. “What’s going on?”

Cam found out the weight on his back was Swagger clinging to him like a koala bear and shorter man was grumbling curses at being woken up, still laying on the couch. 

“It’s the day of PAX Austalian fuckers,” Toby grinned, letting out a big cloud of vape and shook the phone he was holding. “Cute pic by the way, I’m totally setting that as Swagger’s background.”

“That’s gay,” Cam joked and stood up from the couch, not looking back at Swagger laying there. He had fucked up big time, Anthony said not to be near Swagger and what had he fucking done? Cam slept next to Swagger! But-Anthony didn’t need to know…..did he? What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, and it certainly wouldn’t hurt Cam if he didn’t know. 

“Alright, chop chop faggots. We gotta hurry up,” Toby threw Swagger’s phone at him and clapped his hands. 

“Why?” Swagger grunted and cursed Toby when the phone hit him in the face. 

“Cause we wanted to let you sleep in but we got distracted playing video games and now have thirty minutes to get our asses to PAX,” Matt explained and laughed when Swagger yelled, jumping off the couch to get dressed. 

“Are you guys fucking serious?”

Cam laughed softly, shaking his head, and walked into the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror with a heavy sigh. The black eye did  _ not  _ look better, if anything it looked worse. The swelling had gone down but it was still an angry purple and bluish color. 

“Here,” Toby appeared next to Cam, making him jump.

“Fuck, didn’t I close the door?”   
“Here,” Toby repeated and rolled his eyes. He held out a black pair of sunglasses to Cam with darkened lenses. “I wish you would tell us but-” He sighed “-I figure you don’t want anyone else to know.”

“Thanks,” Cam smiled gratefully and put on the sunglasses, breathing a small sigh of relief. “How do I look?”

“Like a shooter,” Toby snorted then looked behind them out to the living room. “Now if Mason asks about the sunglasses, they’re definitely not his okay?”

“Okay.” Cam grinned, giving Toby a thumbs up. 

Swagger finally got dressed and Cam threw on some clothes when Mason picked up the camera.

“I’m gonna start vlogging, be like proper fucking youtubers now,” He said dramatically, swinging the camera around.

“Watch it retard, break it and I’ll break your fucking neck,” Swagger threatened Mason, flicking him with a rolled up t-shirt. Cam subconsciously touched his sunglasses, making sure there was something covering his eyes. 

“Alright fuckers, what’s today?”

“PAX Australia,” Matt said excitedly into the camera, grinning from ear to ear. 

“And Cam’s wearing some fucking sunglasses cause he has a migraine, what a bitch,” Mason briefly turned the camera on Cam then went back Toby and Matt. 

Cam felt a surge of gratefulness for his friends. They were covering for his fuckups without him having to ask, what did he do to deserve his friends? Matt took (stole) the camera from Mason and shot some area footage as they made their way to PAX. Cam was excited and nervous, he couldn’t wait to go and see everyone but that meant he would have to worry about his sunglasses and not giving strong hugs, and avoid being tackled by his friends. As the Misfits van pulled up to PAX and they were greeted by security guards, Cam let his body go to autopilot while his mind swirled like the sea. Dark and rolling and uncertain, as wave after wave of doubt and insecurity crashed into Cam. 

“Cam?”

He blinked, pulled out of his turbulent mind, and looked at Swagger. “Huh?”

“We’re going to go onto the floor, meet the fans and shit,” Swagger told Cam, sounding like he was repeating himself. “Are you okay?”

“Yep,” Cam said quickly before Swagger could say anything else. “Fucking fantastic, let’s go meet some fans!”

Swagger and Toby shared a concerned look but Cam ignored it, instead walking toward the entrance with confident strides. He just wanted to get the day over with as quickly as he could. 

 

///

 

For the rest of the day, PAX past as a blur for Cam. It was a continuous stream of meeting people, taking pictures, and joking around. Rinse and repeat motions, a smile here and a laugh there, he was fine.  _ Just go through the motions, you’ll be fine. It doesn’t matter how smiling makes your eye hurt or that Cam nearly cried out in pain when someone hugged his side too hard for the nth time. It didn’t matter.  _ And by Cam’s negligence, his failure to be more alert and watchful, he didn’t notice Toby take a picture of him and Swagger hugging then upload it to instagram. It was just another picture for Cam. After a few hours, PAX ended and Cam felt sore but happy. He really did have fun, even if his body ached. 

“Let’s go back and order room service,” Matt said through a wide yawn. “‘M too fucking tired to go out.”

“Tired bitch,” Toby smiled but he could barely keep his eyes open. 

“What a day thought, wasn’t it fucking awesome!” Swagger bounced on the balls of his feet, his helmet rattled against his chain mail 

‘Whatever tin man, let’s goooo,” Mason pouted, leaning against Matt for support. 

“Wait I gotta piss,” Cam sighed and shuffled to the nearest bathroom, trying not to trip over his own feet. His phone rang and Cam looked at the name, stopping dead in his tracks. An ice cold bucket of fear doused Cam and his palms became sweaty. It was Anthony. Cam quickly looked around and ducked into a hallway, taking a shaky breath before answering his phone.

“Yeah Tony?”   
“Hey babe, I’ve missed you.”

“Y-you have,” Cam asked incredulously before he could stop himself.  _ Shit, why’d I say that? _ __   
“Yeah I have Cam, you haven’t called me at all. I was beginning to get worried,” Anthony continued. There was something off about his voice that had the hair on the back of Cam’s neck stand on end. “So how was PAX?”   
“PAX? It was great,” Cam brightened up, Anthony was finally showing interest in his life! “I had so much fun, at one point me and Swagger-” He stopped, eyes widening with fear.

“Go on Cam, what did you and Swagger do.”   
“N-nothing much, it’s just that we played a game with everybody else,” Cam stuttered out, he could feel his heart rate skyrocket. 

“What else,” Anthony said coldly. 

“That’s it, I promise Tony nothing else happened.” Cam hated it, even thousands of miles away he was still afraid of Anthony, of what the other man could do. Anthony let out an angry huff causing Cam to flinch instinctively. 

“You’re fucking lying Cam, I know you are. What, did you think i was stupid, that I wouldn’t see the picture?”   
“What picture Tony, I don’t know what your talking about please,” Cam begged and gripped his phone tighter and tighter. “Please, I don’t know.”

“That fucking picture of you and Swagger, jesus you were throwing yourself on him like a whore. I should’ve fucking known the second I leave you alone you’d try and fuck Swagger. Jesus you’re disgusting.”

“It was nothing Tony, I swear it was nothing-”

“What did I say Cam,” Anthony interrupted Cam’s plea. “Do you remember what I told you the day you left me?”

“But Tony-”

“No,” Tony roared so loudly the sound clipped. “I said I would break you and that’s what I’m going to do. I bought you a ticket for the next flight out of Australia tomorrow morning and if you’re not on that flight I swear to god I’ll find you and I will crack your fucking skull open.”

At this point, Cam was shaking so bad he had to sit down or else he’d fall down. “B-but, how will I-”

‘I don’t give a shit Cam, find a way.” Anthony growled. “Just get your ass on that plane and don’t even think about not coming back. You can’t run away from me Cam, I won’t let you get away that easy.”

Cam bit his lip to stop a broken sob from escaping, Anthony was right though. Cam couldn’t get away, he had access to his emal, his phone, even his fucking bank account. 

“I’ll be there Tony,” Cam found himself whispering as tears ran down his face, it was all over. 

Anthony hung up the phone and Cam stared at the wall will a blank expression.  _ Oh god, what is Anthony going to do to me? Hurt me, beat me, r- _ Cam swallowed thickly.  _ He might actually kill me tomorrow.  _ Cam’s eyes drifted to the window he was standing next to and for a brief moment, he had the mad idea of jumping. Just jump out the window and be free of Anthony, of everything. He could escape all the questions and looks and judgement, he wouldn’t have to face his friends or Swagger. Cam started to lean forward, as if to actually take a step towards the window when he jerked away forcefully enough he stumbled backwards. 

 

But did he want to die?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHH sorry for the long wait! I had a another story grip me by the muse and wouldn't let go until I finished it but I'm good now :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Serious Suicidal Thoughts, Cam is not in a good mental state.

When someone’s life goes to utter shit, when it falls apart spectacularly and completely, things aren’t always crashing and burning. The sky didn’t burn red and the world didn’t disappear out from under Cam’s feet, sending him plummeting into nauseating darkness, no. No, Cam’s world ended with a single phone call that caused color to bleed out. Time paused for a second then resumed…..but muted, it’s color had bled out and faded until all that cam could see was what was in front of him. A large rectangular window that out looked a parking lot. Who was outside, underneath the window? Was it a group of friends going back home from the convention or was it a homeless man asking for money? Or was it no one and the parking lot was empty, maybe no one else was even paying any attention to it exempt a man on the second floor whose entire life had froze, melted and was trying to boil him alive. Except there was a way he could escape the pain, jump out of the water before it killed him and all it would take was a few steps forward.  _ Just a few steps forward, could you do that? It’s only a few steps Cam.  _

“Hey Cam, where’d you go?” Matt yelled, causing Cam to startle. 

He cleared his throat and wiped his face, making sure there were no outward signs of his turmoil.

“Over here.”

“Cam!” Matt raced over and grabbed his arm. “There you are! C’mon, the guys are waiting downstairs.”

Cam let Matt drag him away, noticing that Matt never let go of his arm.  _ God, even fucking Matt’s treating me like a child. Like I can’t take care of myself.  _

The pair reached the lobby where the rest of the boys were waiting. Swagger instantly brightened when he saw Cam, as did the others, and walked to meet them. 

“Fucking finally, Toby was about to send out dogs to find you,” Swagger joked.

“Why, I’m fine,” Cam said shortly and winced when Swagger’s smile faltered. 

“Well I’m a worried mother hen,” Toby interjected before it could get awkward. “Somebody's gotta make sure you don’t fucking choke on a fry or some dumb shit.”

“Hey,” Matt protested weakly. “I’m not like that.”

“You’re a fucking idiot Matt.”

“Fuck you Toby!”

“Boys,” Swagger sighed and looked up at the ceiling trying to find some patience. “Let’s just go back to the hotel and order some food, I’m fucking starving.”

“Fat ass,’ Matt said cheerfully, running away before Swagger could smack him. 

“Hey Cam, what was you favorite part of PAX,” Mason took Matt’s place next to him, clinging to Cam like a monkey. “Mine was when I nearly fell off a fucking chair trying to do a sick flip. It would’ve been amazing too if Toby hadn’t pushed he like the bitch he is.”

Mason rambled on about PAX and Cam retreated back into his mind, following wherever Mason dragged him and made a noise whenever he asked a question that needed some form of response. Was this what soldiers felt like before going to war? Knowing tomorrow they could die and not being able to do nothing about it, but Cam wasn’t a soldier. He was a coward that was (is?) going to off himself because he had to fuck everything up but what could he do? Go back home and pray Anthony didn’t beat him to death or tell his friends. Just the thought of that had Cam blanch, going white. Fuck, what would they even think if Cam told them. Maybe they would pity him or not believe him or worst of all, blame him. Would they try to help Cam or leave him to fix his mistakes. Cam wouldn’t blame them, he was fucked. It would probably be better if they left him before he could infect them all with his problems. Anthony had said Cam was poisonous, maybe he was right. And there was always the final option, the nuclear option, of offing himself. Cam wouldn’t have to face his friends or Anthony, he wouldn’t have to explain why he let any of it happen or try and deal with the shit show inside his head. However, no matter how much the final option seemed to make sense, how easy it sounded, there was one question that plagued Cam’s mind. Did he want to die?

“Here we are, finally fucking back,” Toby said through a massive yawn. “Matt, order us some food.”

“On it,” Mat mumbled, blinking at his phone. 

“C’mon Cam,” Mason said quietly and guided Cam back into the room with the rest following them. Mason was going to sit Cam on the couch but the taller man pulled away.

“I’m gonna get some water Mas.”

‘Oh okay-” Mason smiled- “Come sit by me though, I wanna show some pics from PAX.”

Cam turned to go into the kitchen and nearly bumped into Matt.

“Hey Cam, what kind of food do you want? I was thinking pizza or tacos.”

“Sure, just get whatever,” Cam sighed, side stepping Matt to get to the sink. He was exhausted, drained of all energy to try and engage socially like a normal human. 

“Just get whatever,” Swagger waved a hand dismissively, standing next to Cam by the sink. “Let’s play some video games yeah?”

It took Cam a moment to realize Swagger was talking to him. ‘Huh? Yeah go ahead. Play what you guys want.”

Toby took Swagger’s place next to Cam, offering the taller boy a beer. “Care to join me? This beer actually doesn’t taste like piss for once.”

“Oh wow,” Matt said sarcastically and snorted when Toby made a face at him. 

“No thanks Toby, I’m good.”

“You’re loss,” Toby shrugged, walking back to the couch. 

“Hey Cam, come sit by me when you’re done so we can crush these homos,” Swagger called and patted a spot on the couch, shoving Matt off when he tried to sit there. 

“You bitch Swagger! C’mon Cam Swagger’s bullying me,” Matt whined but made no move to get off the floor. 

Cam set down his glass, it was just an excuse not to talk anyway that didn’t fucking work and looked at his friends. Swagger and Mason were fighting over controllers while Matt was ordering the food with Toby making suggestions. Cam’s heart ached, they were having fun without him and yet there was a space between Mason and Swagger for Cam. They had a space for Cam and it made the question Cam had been grappling with the entire day come hurtling back into the forefront of his mind. Did he want to die? Did Cam never want to see the sun rise again, never go to the beach, never go to another PAX and meet people from across the world or see his friends again? Never know what the next day will bring? Was Cam willing to let them go? Was Cam willing to let go, let everything go?

 

“I don’t- I don't want to die,” Cam admitted to the empty kitchen and gasped, as if breathing fresh air for the first time in months after being locked away. 

“Cam, you okay?”

At the sound of his name, Cam looked up and found his friends looking at him with worried expressions. Cam swallowed, his confession was out in the world. Cam couldn’t stop his next words from coming out even if he wanted to.

“I need to tell you guys something, I-I need help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this may be a shorter chapter yes, but I really wanted to set things up for what's coming. And boy oh boy are things coming up.
> 
>  
> 
> Domestic Abuse Hotline  
> 1-800-799-7233
> 
> Suicide Hotline  
> 1-800-273-8255
> 
> Please do not hesitate to call either number if you need to, please stay safe.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: feels

They instantly jumped up and ran over to Cam. Swagger gently grabbed Cam’s arm like he was scared Cam might fall over. 

“Are you okay Cam, what’s going on?” Matt asked worriedly. 

“What do you need us to do Cam?” Toby hurried over to Cam with Mason. He looked worried, scared even for Cam and he understood. Cam was scared too, he had nearly ended his life. Shit, he still wasn’t completely certain he’d never try again. 

“Let’s sit down yeah?” Mason suggested as he looked between Cam and Swagger.  

Cam nodded slowly and let Swagger guide him to the couch and sit down. Toby sat down next to him with Matt and Mason sat down in front of Cam.

‘What’s going on Cam,” Swagger almost whispered, grabbing one of Cam’s hands in his own.  _ What’s going on? I’m fucked that’s what is happening and there might be nothing to do about. _

“I think I fucked up,” Cam managed to push out, every word felt like it was a battle to get it out of his body. “I think I really fucked up guys.”

He saw his friends exchange worried looks before Matt spoke up “We can help Cam, whatever it is we can help.”

“Yeah,” Toby added on, “You’re not alone Cam  no matter how much you try to be.”

“Toby,” Swagger snapped, glaring at his friend.

“ _ What?  _ It’s true!”   
“It’s true Swaggs I-” Cam tried to swallow around the lump of emotions in his throat. He needed to get this out, hell his life might depend on it! “-I have been avoiding you because I ...I couldn’t- god dammit!” 

The boys jumped at Cam’s sudden outburst.

“It’s okay Cam-”

“No it’s not,” Cam shouted, cutting Swagger off. “It’s not okay! I have to say it, I have to get it out or else I’m fucked!”

Cam turned to look at Toby, staring at his friend dead in the eye. “You were right Toby, shit you’re probably all right. I know you’ve suspected what’s been happening, w-who it was.”

They stayed silent, in part to let Cam finish and in part because they were horrified. They’re worst fears were coming true, someone was hurting their Cam.

“Remember when I had to cancel our plans to play fortnite Toby,” Cam chuckled bitterly and shook his head. “I couldn’t move my fucking wrist I thought he’d-” Cam paused “- I thought he’d broken it.”

The young man dared to glance up, Mason was practically green. He seemed as if he could vomit at any moment. Matt didn’t look any better, Toby had his eyes closed and was clenching his jaw. Swagger didn’t have any readable expression, he was just looking blankly back at Cam. 

“He,” Toby’s voice wavered with emotion and Cam nearly cried right there. “You said  _ he  _ hurt your wrist.”

“He did a lot more than that,” Cam whispered quietly, so quietly he wasn’t sure anyone hear him until; Swagger squeezed his hand. “And tomorrow,” Cam had to stop himself, his throat burned raw and tears stung his eyes. “Tomorrow-” Cam let out a bark of laughter, loud and abrupt and terrified. “I loved him and I thought he l-loved me too.”

“You don’t hit people you love Cam,” Matt looked at Cam with pleading eyes.

‘I don’t know, he made a pretty good argument,” Cam tried to joke, laughing shakily that sounded more like a sob.  

“Oh Cam,” Swagger said softly, rubbing a finger along Cam’s knuckles. 

“And you know what’s fucked up?” Cam barreled on, well aware how badly his voice was wavering with unshed tears. “I thought I could fix him, save him or maybe it was my fault! Maybe, you know, maybe it was my fault he got angry or-or he would stop but he just kept hitting me, over and over and over again.” Cam sniffed angrily, wiping away the tears that he couldn’t stop from falling onto his face. 

“Why didn’t you say anything Cam,” Mason demanded emotionally, tears falling down his own face. “Why Cam?”

“I-I was scared, he said you’d leave me or you would think I was weak because I let him hit me,” Cam struggled to explain. His vision had become blurry from all the tears in his eyes that left hot trails down his face. 

‘We would never think that,” Swagger said fiercely, with enough conviction that Cam almost believed him. “Never in a million fucking years would we think you’re weak Cam.” The shorter man wrapped his arms around Cam and brought him close, subconsciously trying to protect Cam from the world. 

“But I am,” Cam protested in an angry tone and struggled against Swagger. “I’m a fucking coward because the only reason I am even telling you  _ any  _ of this is because I’m terrified!”   
“What did he say?” Toby clenched his jaw, looking like he wanted to throw something. “What did that fucking son of a bitch say?”

Cam tried not to flinch away from Toby’s angry tone. “H-he say the picture on your instagram Toby an-and he said I have to come back.”

“You’re not going back there, no fucking way,” Matt exploded, almost leaping off the couch. “We’re not going to let you!”

“I have to Matt, he said he’d kill me if I didn’t,” Cam yelled back.

Matt let out a sound like he’d been punched in the gut, gasping for air. 

“It’s a miracle he hasn’t beaten you to death already Cam,” Swagger argued as he tried to get Cam to look him in the eye. 

“Please don’t go Cam,” Mason whimpered, causing Cam to look down at his friend. “Please Cam, you’re my best friend and I don’t want you to die.” Mason was close to sobbing, tears gushed down his face and he was trying to take a deep breath but he couldn’t.

“Oh Mason,” Cam lunged himself at his friend, wrapping the shorter boy in his arms. Mason clung onto Cam, sniffling into his shoulder. “I don't want you to die.” Cam silently wept as he hugged Mason, his body shaking from the force of his sorrow. 

“I don’t want to either but I have to go back, I have to.”

“Like hell you do,” Toby snapped, his face was red and blotchy from emotion with his eyes shining from unshed tears. 

“He has everything Toby, he’s in my fucking house. He knows my bank password, I mean fucking everything he could ruin me-”

“Or he could fucking kill you Cam, please,” Toby fell to his knees next to Cam, forcing the other boy to look at him. “Cam, we can change the passwords you don’t have to go back. I know it’s my fault, I’m begging you let me fix it.”

“It’s not your fault Toby,” Cam sighed sadly. “This-it was bound to happen eventually and I have to go, he could leak everything about me. My credit card, my address or what he did to me.”

“I can take care of that,” Matt spoke up as he came over to Cam, Mason, and Toby, kneeling down. “Trust me Cam, I’ll make sure this son of a bitch doesn't hurt you anymore.”

“T-thanks Matt,” Cam smiled, grateful for his friends.

“You’re still going though, aren’t you,” Swagger huffed as he too got down to hug Cam from the side. “Is there nothing we can do to convince you not to do this stupid fucking plan.”

Despite the situation, Cam couldn’t help but crack a small smile. Swagger knew him too well. “I can go when he’s not there, just grab my shit and run.”

“Then let us come with-”

“No Toby, no. I can’t let him hurt you, I can’t even risk that.”

“But he’s hurt you!”

“I’m going back Toby,” Cam said with finality. He could tell Toby wanted to argue more but he stayed quiet. 

“Are we gonna stay on the floor cause my knees are starting to hurt,” Swagger said after a few moments of silence.

“Sorry you’re old as fuck,” Mason giggled causing everyone else to laugh. Matt stood up and helped Cam stand.

“I’ll figure out a plan don’t worry.”

“Thank you,” Cam gave Matt a quick but strong hug. The shorter boy grinned at Cam then walked off to his laptop, creating a plan to help Cam. 

“I’ll pack your suitcase,” Toby offered. “Wake us when you have to leave and we can drive you to the airport.”

“I’ll get a ticket back,” Mason sprung up from the floor like a wind up toy. “Cause you’re gonna come back to the U.S. Cam, I don’t care if I have to drag your ass there.”

“You really don’t have to-”

“Too bad!” Mason yelled, already running to buy a plane ticket. 

Cam took a deep breath, a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders. He was still scared for what tomorrow might bring but now he had the support of his friends. The emotions of the day left Cam exhausted and he collapsed back onto the couch. Swagger grabbed a pillow from a bed and a blanket, draping it over Cam.

“Night Cam,” Swagger took a chance and leaned down to press a gentle kiss against Cam’s forehead. “Don’t worry, I’m here for you.”

Cam waited for Swagger to walk away before smiling to himself. Swagger kissing him gave Cam a warm fuzzy feeling that let Cam slowly fall asleep, trying not to think about tomorrow.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Confronting an abuser, this is it folks.

Cam woke up in the early morning, before the sun had risen. His friends were all still sound asleep and expecting to be woken up in two hours but Cam found an earlier flight. It was insanely early but he had a better chance of Anthony not waiting for him and for his friends not to follow him. Anthony could easily ruin his life, if he hadn’t already, and Cam didn’t want any of them to be dragged down with him. So Cam slipped out of the hotel room as quietly as he could, tip toeing down to the cab. He didn’t bother taking his luggage, there wasn’t any point. The roads were almost deserted, so the drive to the airport was relatively quick. The airport was empty, it was a ghost town and for Cam, maybe that’s what it was. He had been trying to think of a plan, just something to do but Cam couldn’t think of anything. His mind was just a white static of panic, praying Anthony wasn’t going to be there. Cam tried to think in the airport, boarding the plane, and during the flight but his mind just kept circling back to one thought.  _ I want to live, I don’t want to die oh god I don’t want to die.  _ Then the plane landed and Cam lurched back into the present moment, it was only an hour drive now. 

“Okay, so laptop, social security card,” Cam mumbled to himself as he walked, well aware he probably looked insane. “And-and...nothing.”

Was that really it? His birth certificate and things like that were in a vault at the bank but surely there must be more. But...no, nothing else in that house was his. All the pictures, furniture, everything but the fucking deed was Anthony’s. It was never really Cam’s house. 

“How did I not see this earlier,” Cam scoffed at himself, he had been such an idiot. So blind to the truth and Anthony’s evil.  Hopefully Cam could escape him, he wanted to, Cam  _ had  _ to. Anthony was a sickness in Cam’s life that had to be cut out. The passing street lamps illuminated inside the cab Cam was taking in waves of orange light. He watched the clock on his phone slowly tick by the seconds and Cam was relieved to find nobody had called or texted him, his friends weren’t awake yet. But they would be soon so Cam shut off his phone, he’d call after...after everything was over. The man driving was silent as he pulled in front of the house and Cam inhaled shakily. This was really it. In a rare moment of good luck, Anthony’s car wasn’t there so the house was empty. Cam quickly paid the driver and sprinted up to the door, nearly dropping his keys because he was shivering. The young man slipped inside then leaned heavily against the door, his legs were actually shaking from anxiety. There was this presence of dread and worry that plagued his mind the second he stepped inside, something was going to happen.

“Fuck, get it together,” Cam hissed to himself, slapping his thighs. “Find the laptop.”

Even though the house was empty Cam still sneaked around, he was terrified Anthony might pop out from any corner. Cam dug an old backpack out from the closet and stuffed some clothes inside then hurried to his recording room. 

‘Oh God,” Cam gasped, falling back in shock. He would’ve fell back on his ass if Cam didn’t catch the edge of the doorway. The recording room was an absolute mess, it looked like a tornado had torn through. Cam’s monitors were shattered and his keyboard lay broken in half on the ground. A hole in the shape of a fist marked where Cam’s laptop was thrown, thankfully it wasn’t completely broken. Cam hurriedly grabbed it, wincing when shards of glass cut his finger. 

‘Shit,” Cam glanced around the room one last time. At least now he wouldn’t have to worry about his recording equipment, it was all destroyed. All Cam had to grab now was his social security card then he could run, run away from Anthony. Outside, it began to rain and the sound of rain hitting the rooftop gave Cam a sense of unease. He should hurry and get out. The young man walked to the kitchen where he kept his card in a cupboard. Cam stuffed it inside his backpack and turned to the door, feeling better now that he could run, but something caught his eye. Out in the driveway he saw it, Anthony’s car was parked outside. Cam could scarcely react before the door was opened and Anthony walked inside. 

“Cam,” Anthony gasped like he had seen a ghost. “You came back to me?”

He took a step forward and Cam took an equal step back, desperate to keep Anthony away from him.    
“N-no Anthony, I-” Cam gulped, his entire body was shaking from fear. “I’m leaving.”

“No you’re not,” Anthon scoffed in a disbelieving tone but his expression turned dark when Cam didn’t say anything. “You’re not leaving me Cam, you can’t.”

“Yes I can, I  _ am _ .” Despite Anthony standing in front of the door, Cam felt a surge of confidence. He was standing up to Anthony! 

“But I love you Cam, you can’t leave me! I d-don’t know what’d I do without you,” Anthony pleaded and to Cam’s horror tears welled up in Anthony’s eyes. “Please Cam.”

“Don’t say that Anthony, no-you don’t mean that,” Cam tried to run to the door but Anthony blocked him. “Get out of my way Anthony.”

“No,” Anthony yelled, flinging himself in front of the door. “I love you!”

Cam asked every deity he could think of, why me? What have I done to deserve this? The man before him, begging Cam not to leave had hit him, abused and tortured him until it nearly drove him to suicide and yet...and yet Cam still loved him. Anthony had been so kind, so loving before and surely that wasn’t all a lie, right? It couldn’t of been fake, at some point he had been a good person. Had Cam done something wrong? Was Cam the poison?

Sensing Cam’s warring thoughts, Anthony stepped closer. “Cam, look at me. I  _ love  _ you and you love me.”

Cam snapped his eyes back up to look at Anthony, his vision was blurry from the tears falling down his face. “Then why,” He whispered. “Why did you hit me Anthony, what did I do?”

“Cam-”

“What did I do,” Cam yelled, voice cracking with emotion. ‘Why Anthony, I loved you and you hit me.”

“I’m sorry Cam, fuck I’m so sorry just please,” Anthony tried to reach out to Cam, grab his arm but Cam jerked back, his heart hammering in his chest. 

“Get the fuck away from me,” Cam snarled as he tightened his grip on the backpack. “I am leaving Anthony and you can’t stop me.”

The desperate look on Anthony’s face twisted into something unrecognizable, almost not human. “You will not leave me.”

“I won’t let you drag my down Anthony, you nearly killed me.”

“I nearly killed you!?” Anthony seethed and Cam realized too late he had said the wrong thing. “You overreact and overthink, you go fucking crazy and you blame  _ me?  _ You blame  _ me  _ for everything fucked up in your head? You. Deserved. Everything!”   
Anthony screamed the last sentence, taking a threatening step towards Cam. 

“No I fucking didn’t, you’re the one who’s insane. You don’t hit people you love Anthony,” Cam argued back loudly. “Now get out of my way.”

Anthony’s face was pulled into a snarl, he barely looked human. “If you leave me, I’ll-I’ll kill myself Cam. And it will be your fault,” Anthony practically foamed at the mouth.

Cam’s blood ran cold, Anthony might actually be crazy enough to do it but did Cam care? He had beaten Cam over and over again but he didn’t want to be responsible for someone’s death.  _ I couldn’t live with myself but if I stay with him, I wouldn’t live at all.  _ Cam clutched his backpack to his chest, on the verge of hyperventilation, when Swagger’s words came drifting back into his head.  _ I’m here for you. _

“I’m not alone Anthony,” Cam whispered yet Anthony heard him loud and clear. “But you are.”

“Bitch,” Anthony screamed and lunged at Cam, arms outstretched. For once, Cam managed to dodge Anthony, putting his full body into slamming Anthony away. Cam stumbled slightly from the change in momentum and raced out the door, throwing the door open with a thunderous bang. The rain from before had picked up an it was now pouring outside, the whole world seemed gray and cold. Cam slipped on the wet concrete path and fell on his knees, crying out when his ankle buckled beneath him.

“Cameron,” Anthony bellowed from the doorway. The light from the kitchen illuminated the man like a demon crawling out of hell, stalking straight towards Cam. It felt straight out of a horror movie, Cam used his arms to crawl backwards but he kept slipping from the rain as Anthony came closer and closer. 

“No,” Cam whimpered, maybe Anthony was going to kill him after all. He was so close, he was almost free! 

Anthony bent down to pick up a rock by the path and held it above his head, snarling as if he was a rabid dog. Cam put an arm one, one last desperate attempt to save himself from Anthony.

“I’ll kill you,” Anthony screamed insanely, his eyes glinted with pure hate and raised the stone high. “I will-”

High pitched police sirens interrupted Anthony and three cars raced out of the mist, screeching to a halt in front of the house.

“Put it down, now!” A woman’s voice screamed as lights flooded the darkness and blinded Cam. “Put it down!”

“No,” Anthony gasped, glaring at Cam with unfiltered malice. “No!” He started to throw the stone but a gunshot rang out and Anthony’s body jerked to the right, blood spraying out in an arch. 

“Go, go, go,” The woman’s voice commanded and police figures ran out of the light, surrounding Anthony. 

“Cam! Oh God, Cam!” 

Cam whipped around at the call of his name, squinting in the harsh lights. Swagger, Toby, Mason and Matt ran out to their friend, ignoring the shouts from the policemen. 

“Swagger,” Cam cried, nearly sobbing from happiness. Swagger skidded to his knees in front of Cam, wrapping the taller boy in a crushing hug. The other three boys did the same, wrapping their arms around Cam.

“You’re okay, shit, you’re okay Cam,” Matt cried, holding Cam tightly like he was afraid the other boy would disappear. 

“What the fuck were you thinking Cam! Going off by yourself,” Toby demanded once he knew Cam was okay. 

“I-I’m sorry Toby, I didn’t want him to hurt you,” Cam explained through tearful gasps, he was so relieved and overwhelmed he couldn’t stop crying. 

“He won’t hurt anybody ever again Cam,” Mason vowed, burying his face into Cam’s side. “That bastard won’t hurt you ever.”

At the sound of pained cursing, Cam glanced over at Anthony. Apparently, the policewoman shot him in the shoulder and they were currently handcuffing him. Anthony caught Cam’s gaze and Cam slowly shook his head.

“I’m free,” Cam whispered, knowing Anthony heard him. Cam turned back to his friends with a genuine, grateful smile. “I’m free.”

Swagger grinned back, his eyes were red from crying. “C’mon Cam, let’s go home.”

The four boys helped Cam to stand up and he breathed a sigh of relief, feeling like he had taken his first breath after nearly drowning. He was finally free with the people he loved and who loved him. Cam could finally go home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for the epilogue and general sappiness!


	14. Epilogue

 

**2 Years Later**

“Mason!” Matt screeched, “You fucking cuck!” 

Everybody else laughed so hard they were crying as Mason knocked Matt off the course in Mario Kart for the tenth time. 

“Suck my dick bitch,” Mason cackled evilly then yelled when Cam passed him for second place. “Cam!”

“As the winner,” Toby boasted, puffing out his chest, “I’m going to order pizza!”

 Cam grinned when Swagger threw his controller at Toby, giggling to himself. His phone buzzed and Cam looked down at the notification,  _ 2 Years Today.  _ It was something his therapist suggested he do, set a reminder for every year after ...after Anthony. After that day in the rain he left, he escaped.

“It’s been two years,” Cam whispered to himself in wonder. And what a crazy two years it has been, starting off with Anthony getting arrested after he tried to kill Cam. The police had Cam quickly taken to a hospital (with his friends not letting him go) and made sure he had a guard at all times. Due to the overwhelming evidence against Anthony, he was immediately taken into custody and the police pushed for the trial to begin as soon as possible. The boys were able to take Cam back to America, they were fully ready to kidnap him if they had too, and made room for Cam to stay permanently. Matt helped Cam change all his passwords so Anthony didn’t have a single chance of ruining Cam’s new life. Swagger and Toby took care of selling Cam’s house so he’d have nothing holding him back. Mason made it his responsibility to make sure Cam kept smiling, especially during Anthony’s trial, and pushed Cam to find a therapist. It was a long and hard road to recovery, Cam wasn’t sure he was finished, but having the support of his friends helped Cam more than he could ever say. Ten Months ago, Anthony was convicted of attempted murder and assualt which meant he was sentenced for life without parole. Cam had broken down crying when his lawyer called with the news, even though he hadn’t seen Anthony for more than a year it finally meant it was over. Anthony couldn’t ever hurt him again. His friends nearly crushed Cam underneath a hug after the lawyer called, crying together with happiness. 

‘Hey Cam!’

Cam blinked, swiping the notification away. “Yeah?”   
“Want to do anything for today?” Swagger smiled at Cam, not noticing how Cam went red at Swagger’s attention. 

“You,” Toby muttered under his breath, wincing when Cam kicked him in the ankle. 

“Let’s just chill,” Cam shrugged and glared at Toby when Swagger turned around. His crush on Swagger had grown exponentially in the last year, it was so bad all his friends knew and teased him about it. Though they never said anything too loud when Swagger was in the room. Recently, Mason had threatened Cam he would lock them in a closet if Cam didn’t get his head out of his ass. 

“You deserve to be happy Cam, even if it is with that short little goblin,” Matt pouted when Swagger walked out of the room to get the food. 

“He doesn’t like me, not like that,” Cam sighed sadly, he didn’t notice the sad look Matt gave him. 

“Sup pussies,” Swagger said loudly, kicking open the door. “Toby, I’m going to kick your ass at another round of mario kart.”

“Let’s go bitch,” Toby stole a slice of pizza from Swagger and jumped onto the couch, flipping off his friend. 

“I’m gonna fuck your ass,” Swagger snapped. Matt immediately clamped his hand over Mason’s mouth, winking at Cam. Cam stuck his tongue out at Mason, who waggled his eyebrows, and sat down next to Swagger. They played an intense round of Mario Kart, Swagger was in the lead but Toby was right on his ass, getting closer.

“Why the fuck did I get a fucking coin,” Swagger screeched, smacking Toby away. 

“I got you Swags,” Cam threw his red shell, causing Toby to come in third after Matt. 

“Fuck, CAM!”

Swagger threw an arm around Cam, squeezing him close. “Thanks Babe!”

The room went dead silent for five seconds, Swagger and Cam frozen in place, before Toby sprang up, dragging Mason up with him. 

“C’mon Matt and Mason, we need to go get something from the store,” Toby said loudly and gave Matt a look.

‘We do?” Mason frowned.

“Yep, let’s go!” Matt pulled Mason away, following Toby quickly out the door. “We’ll be back in a few hours!” 

Swagger let go of Cam quickly, stammering. “Shit, I’m so sorry Cam. I didn’t-can we just pretend I didn’t say that?”

“But what if I wanted you to?”

Swagger’s eyes widened comically, staring at Cam with an open mouth. “You-what!?”

_ Fuck it, it’s now or never.  _ “I like you Swagger, I think I lo-gah!” Cam yelped when Swagger lunged at Cam and smothered the taller boy in a hug, crushing Cam against the couch. Swagger pulled back, cupping Cam’s face in his hands.

“I think I love you too,” Swagger blushed slightly, smiling at Cam hopefully. 

“You think?” Cam pretended to pout and leaned closer to Swagger. 

Swagger rolled his eyes playfully. “Don’t be an asshole, I love you. You jackass, I just was worried it would be too much for you, too soon you know?”

“Swagger,” Cam’s heart grew even more from Swagger’s sweet words. He was doomed, Cam was already head over heels for his best friend. “It’s been two years, I trust you with everything. I think I loved you for years…”

“Thank you,” Swagger grinned, tears shining in his eyes. “I promise I’ll take care of you, even when you beat my ass at Mario Kart.”

“Even then,” Cam raised his eyebrows at Swagger and smirked. “Wow, it must really be love.”

“Must be,” Swagger agreed and before Cam could tease him about his sappiness, Swagger leaned forward and kissed Cam. Cam made a muffled sound of surprise, groaning when Swagger pulled away.

“Why’d you stop,” He whined.

“As much as I like kissing you, there’s a bed right over there,” Swagger grinned down at Cam, his face was flushed, and offered a hand. Cam grabbed Swagger’s hand and let the shorter man pull him up. “Then what are you waiting for?”

“Fuck, c’mon,” Swagger gave Cam a quick peck on the lips then ran to the nearest bedroom, pulling a laughing Cam behind him. 

“Wait,” Cam stopped, nearly tripping over Swagger when he stopped suddenly. “I love you.”

Swagger grinned and stood up to kiss Cam sweetly. “I love you too,” Swagger whispered against Cam’s lips. “Now get your cute ass into the bedroom.”

“So charming,” Cam snorted,he felt giddy and warm. Lighter than he had in years.

 “Damn fucking right,” Swagger puffed out his chest proudly. “Now, I've been waiting for this for years.”

“Me too,” Cam admitted shyly, he still couldn’t believe this was happening. 

Swagger smiled up at Cam with pure adoration shining in his eyes, gently leading Cam inside the bedroom. Cam almost wanted to pinch himself, it didn’t seem real. Cam was finally getting his happy ending. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we reach the end of our story, I wanted to thank everyone who read this story and left comments. It made me so happy that people enjoyed my story, I basically wrote it for myself. There wasn't a lot of Switz fan fiction and I wasn't seeing what I wanted to read so I just said fuck it, I'll write it myself. Never in a million years did I think i would get two thousand hits on my story. I was hoping for a hundred! Thank you everyone who has read my story! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if anyone is extremely ooc, I'm trying to keep them relatively in character but let me know if anyone's horrendously ooc!


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